Sex -- It's one of my favorite hobbies

Whenever I'm asked to list my hobbies, I think about listing sex.

Of course, I don't.

Ministers aren't supposed to have sex.

Well guess what -- we do! Ministers having sex have produced a world full of those holy terrors called "preacher's kids." And sex is not just for procreation -- it's for recreation.

I like Song of Solomon. Some people say it is a story of Christ's relationship and the church. Bull. It's sex! I love the part in chapter 7:

Your breasts are like two fawns, twins of a gazelle.
Your neck is like an ivory tower. Your eyes are the pools of Heshbon by the gate of Bath Rabbim. Your nose is like the tower of Lebanon looking toward Damascus.
Your head crowns you like Mount Carmel. Your hair is like royal tapestry; the king is held captive by its tresses.
How beautiful you are and how pleasing, O love, with your delights!
Your stature is like that of the palm, and your breasts like clusters of fruit.
I said, "I will climb the palm tree; I will take hold of its fruit." (NIV)

Occasionally I see my wife standing there. Maybe she is getting ready for bed. Maybe she's getting out of the shower. Suddenly I think like Solomon, "I'm climbing that tree and grabbing those tits."

I've heard people say one of the reasons for divorce is that people tire of sex with the same person after so many years.

I don't buy it.

I have been married for 30 years. Man, where did the time go? I feel like I just got married. Whenever young people come to my office looking to get married, I show them my wedding picture.

Lately they've started laughing.

I know the lapels on my tux are a bit wide, and I suppose the bow tie looks like it could turn into wings and fly me away -- but thank goodness it's Confederate Gray and not that red or purple that was so popular back in 1975.

I've never had sex with anyone but my wife. I never really wanted to. Of all the temptations I face, adultery has never been one of them. My wife and I know all the sweet spots, and all the favorite moves. We feel comfortable trying something new from time to time.

When I look at her, I think of Shakespeare. He has a sonnet -- number 130 -- that describes my wife perfectly.

"I have seen roses damask'd, red and white,
But no such roses see I in her cheeks;
And in some perfumes is there more delight
Than in the breath that from my mistress reeks.
I love to hear her speak, yet well I know
That music hath a far more pleasing sound;"

I understand that Will was writing a parody about one of his lovers referred to as the "Dark Lady." I'm not sure this is a parody. I think it is real love.

At age 51 my wife's breasts are not the firm and perky wonders they were when we were in our 20's. Actually, they aim more and more to the floor with each passing year.

So what. At my age I have parts that are also pointing more down than up.

My wife has a bit of a pot belly. There are scars from a cesarean delivery of our son. Her hips are a bit wider than they ought to be.

But hey, you should see me when I'm naked -- on second thought, it's best not to be frightened. Take my word for it. I looked a lot better at age 18.

Heck, I looked better at age 48.

I remember when I was with my Dad in the hospital a few weeks ago. A nurse came by to bathe him. Dad was always very modest about his body, and had a strict moral code -- but when she left this 84 year old man said, "Ah, to be 70 again." Well, that has nothing to do with what I'm talking about, it's just a good story.

Back to sex.

I think that is why a lot of people have affairs. They are trying to get something of their youth back. Pity -- they put their future at such risk.

"Young people today" is a phrase every generation uses when they become old farts. Well, at age 51 I'm now an old fart. So let me say, "Young people today are too sexually promiscuous."

And they are!

There is another wonderful verse in the Bible. It comes from Proverbs 5:15-19:

"Drink water from your own cistern, running water from your own well. Should your springs overflow in the streets, your streams of water in the public squares? Let them be yours alone, never to be shared with strangers. May your fountain be blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth. A loving doe, a graceful deer-- may her breasts satisfy you always, may you ever be captivated by her love."

It is a poetic way of saying "Keep your pants zipped and be happy with your wife."

Not a bad thought centuries ago.

Not a bad thought for these young people today.