Wednesday, July 12, 2006

I've done something drastic

I did something I never thought I would do.

It took real guts and daring -- more than I ever thought I had.

It started when I looked at a photo of me showing my profile.

No, it was not the pot belly I saw that caused me to join -- and use -- a health club.

Or go on a diet.

It was my beard.

So white!

I mean really white.

I look at myself in the mirror and it is not so bad. I see lots of black and a little gray.

But the side -- what the heck happened? Am I growing older faster on the side of my face?

So there I was walking in the grocery store, and after looking for several minutes for the hair dye, I happened to come across, quite by accident, the hair dyes.

"Just for Men."

Specifically for beards.

I followed the directions with fear and trembling, as if I was trapped on a deserted island, about to do remove the appendix from a fellow castaway.

But this was worse, obviously.

I was about to do this to myself.

I squeezed a little dab from tube one and then a little dab from tube two and mixed the two. Using the brush that was provided, I applied it to my beard.

Not much happened, so I kept applying.

Still nothing, so I applied more.

Then I noticed all the gray was gone.

In fact, the skin beneath the beard was now black!

I jumped into the shower (which was supposed to be the next step anyway) and began to shampoo vigerously.

OK, much to my relief the skin appeared normal. But the beard was black with just a hint of gray. I would have liked to have had a little more gray showing.

After all, I don't want anyone to notice what I have done. Such vanity.

I look like my old self. Like the 1996 old self.

I like it.

Hmmm. Maybe next week I'll do something about the pot belly.

Nahhh. No need to get too vain :)


Blogger Purechristianithink said...

Someone helpfully pointed out to me yesterday that I'd added some gray hairs since moving to California. My theory--the bright sunshine here has just bleached the few I already had and made them more noticeable. Self-delusion: breakfast of champions. . .

7:55 PM  
Blogger annie said...

You are a brave man, Apostle John!

9:26 PM  
Anonymous Rev Bill said...

Last year I almost used "Just For Men" --- but instead I shaved off my beard!

I sometimes wish I had used "Just For Men" instead!

7:10 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Maybe that's why your EP didn't recognize you.

9:46 PM  
Blogger Angelique said...

Woo Hoo! Good for you! I think that more men should try something new. Did anyone notice?

1:30 AM  
Blogger Backwoods Presbyterian said...

The longer my forehead gets the shorter my hair gets. Eventually I'll be good and bald.

10:26 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Glad I'm not the only one doing it! The problem is that you have to keep doing it. I was shocked that no one noticed when I did it. But, I think it does make me look younger.

Howie Luvzus

7:00 PM  
Blogger the reverend mommy said...

Lo-o-ong time. No blog.

6:40 PM  
Blogger Ayatollah Mugsy said...

I have considered using Just for Pugs gel, but my negative Botox experience has made me wary. Still, I understand where you're coming from regarding the gray beard. Peace be upon you.

3:46 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Beware, if you have children around your home. That stuff is full of lead. Lead posison is a very real danger and it stays on surfaces like your sink.

Thats why they dont have products like this for women. A few grays are much better than exposing my family to lead poisoning

11:06 PM  
Blogger Marguerite Jasmin said...

Hi, if you still come back to read comments, I was wondering how you were doing?

1:07 AM  
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