I Feel Good (title must be read with the voice of James Brown)

I love Sundays.

Well, most of the time.

Yesterday was a great day in church.

I had breakfast with the members in Fellowship Hall. The services went well. I did a baptism in one of the services. I preached a sermon I felt good about, and looking to next week my Associate will preach this coming Sunday. Then my wife and I went to lunch together and there were no committee meetings to attend during the afternoon or evening -- always a great thing!

After lunch, we went to the Muvico to see Zorro.

OK -- here's one of my sins. Actually a couple of them. First, I think you should sneak in your own popcorn in order to save money. My wife plays by the rules :( She believes in signs and there is a sign that says, "no outside food or drink."

Second, Zorro started at 2:15. It is a 2 hour and 10 minute movie. That means we should have been able to go to Capote at 4:35. If you are going to pay more money for popcorn and Coke than you would pay for a lobster, you should do a little theater hopping. My wife, however, insists on one movie per ticket.

So we went to the one movie -- pure fantasy and escapism. I think I needed that.

I've been feeling down lately.

I find myself thinking of my Dad a lot -- he died in July.

I haven't slept well in days. The only souvinier I brought back from Haiti were nightmares. In reality I held a tiny baby in my arms as it died. In my dreams, I have been holding that baby every night since coming home. Sometimes I look down at the baby and realize it is my child who died.

I didn't like Wilma.

The house is dark on the second floor because the hurricane shutters are still in place.

I've decided my youngest son can forget college -- I'm buying those motorized hurricane shutters. One push of the button and your home is protected.

I'm more than depressed, I've been grumpy!

Then Sunday came and all seems to be right with the world again.

Or as James Brown would sing, "I feel good."

And it wasn't Zorro that made me feel good.

It was even getting to see Catherine Zeta Jones on the big screen, although that might have had a little to do with it.

It was worship.

Often times those of us who design worship make it out to be all joy and praise. We become Reverend Feel Goods, sort to speak. We succomb to the notion that at the end of the service everyone has to be able to say with a James Brown voice, "I feel good."

That way, they will come back next week.

But Sunday's service had elements of Reformation Sunday and All Saints' Day wrapped into one. (We used to do an All Saints' Day worship, but nobody would come to the often mid-week worship -- so now we fold it into the Sunday service).

There is a time in the service when we invite people to stand and say the name of someone in their family or among their friends who has died in the past year. The Clerk of Session stands first (for non-Presbyterians, he is the secretary of the governing body of the local church). He reads the list of the names of members who died during the past year, and their date of death. Then others take turns in standing and giving a name.

"Adam, my cousin."

"Beth, my long time friend."

"Cindy, my mother."

I should have mentioned my Dad, but I just couldn't bring myself to do that. But as people grew silent I asked once more, "Is there anyone else we want to remember?"

One of the members stood and said, "David, our pastor's father."

And I just wept.

And I hate to cry. It makes my face look horrible, clogs my sinuses and in general makes me feel like an idiot.

I was supposed to lead in a prayer at that point, but thankfully my Associate Pastor stood up to lead us in prayer.

God does not promise joy and a painless life -- I think it is one of the shortcomings of contemporary Christian music and contemporary worship is that they lack agony.

I think the road to real joy takes us through pain and sorrow. We shouldn't be looking for ways to avoid the agonies of life. We should discover how to handle them.

This morning -- I feel good.