Talk Like A Pirate Day comes to church

(Note: I shared this with a buddy in Georgia, and he passed it onto his church -- his son called the church office from Florida and was disappointed the staff didn't take my buddy seriously -- probably a good thing for my buddy!)

Memo to all church staff:

While yet another hurricane is a bearing down on those of us in South Florida, we still celebrated today's holiday -- September 19th, is TALK LIKE A PIRATE DAY -- for proof click ">here..

If you need help with your vocabulary, try these.

Aye aye! - A good response to any question asked of the Senior Pastor, especially on a Monday.

Arrr! - This one is often confused with arrrgh, which is of course the sound you make when you sit on a belaying pin. "Arrr!" can mean, variously, "yes," "I agree," "I'm happy," "I'm enjoying this beer," "My team is going to win it all," "I saw that movie and it was no good at all." and "That was a clever remark you or I just made." And those are just a few of the myriad possibilities of Arrr!

Avast -- Stop! As in "When is that preacher going to avast this sermonizing?"

Beauty -- The best possible pirate address for a woman. Always preceded by "me" as in "C'mere, me beauty." However, please be advised that Presbytery's rules and our congregation's sexual misconduct policies recommend that one uses this term only with one's spouse.

Bilge rat – The bilge is the lowest level of the ship. It’s loaded with ballast and slimy, reeking water. A bilge rat, then, is a rat that lives in the worst place on the ship. Please do not refer to anyone in the church as a bilge rat -- however, when hearing noises in the ceiling tiles above the youth lounge, you may rest assured that those probably are bilge rats. Feel free to say, "Arrrr, it's them bilge rats again."

Booty -- treasure, AKA the offering.

Grog – An alcoholic drink, usually rum diluted with water, but as our church staff celebrates Talk Like A Pirate Day, please limit your use of this term during office hours as a reference to the soft drink machine, as in, "Arrr, I think I'll fetch me some diet, caffine free grog from the grog machine."

Lubber – (or land lubber) This is the seaman’s version of land lover, mangled by typical pirate disregard for such people. A lubber is someone who does not go to sea, who stays on the land. On Talk Like A Pirate Day, feel free to refer to Southern Baptists as Land Lubbers.

Me Hearty -- Friend. Today all staff members will address one another by this term. As in "Ahoy me hearty! Can I fetch you some diet grog?"

Shiver me timbers -- A pastoral response, which replaces phrases like, "You feel confused by this?"

Swashbuckling -- adventurous. If anyone asks, we had a swashbuckling time in the budget committee meeting yesterday.

Walk the plank -- What Presbyteries do to ministers who git caught drinkin' too much grog with a group of Land Lubbers.

Yo ho! - If you sense a time of silence, please feel free to yell this out.